Hard

Sorry I haven't been updating much lately. I've been substitute teaching for a girl on maternity leave and I just haven't had time. When I am here, there is no time for me to do anything because these children, let me tell you, are ridiculous. When I get home in the afternoons the only thing that matters to me is Emily. I don't care that my blog isn't updated. I don't care that the laundry is piled 4 feet high. I don't care that my sink is full of dishes. I just want to spend every minute with her.

Except for the minutes when she is napping. And then I'm napping too.

Working? And being a mother? It's hard. And it's not for me. I thought I had figured that out last year when I did this same thing, but I must have forgotten. I can't do this. I just can't be away from my baby.

I'll admit it; I'm lucky. Blessed. Whichever way you want to look at it, in the end I am very fortunate. I don't have to work. We can make it on one salary. I might not be able to buy everything that I want when I'm not working, but I certainly have everything that I need.

And what I need right now is to be home with Emily. I miss her so much and it just breaks my heart to leave her every morning. I've been working for 5 1/2 weeks. I only have 7 days to go and most days I honestly don't know if I'm going to make it until the end. Yesterday when I left here I was ready to never come back, but I can't go burning any bridges so here I am again today. I just cannot wait to be a stay at home mommy again. Emily needs me. I need Emily.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...
May 7, 2010 at 6:38 PM

This made me think of something that happened the other day. Someone asked me, "What do you do?" I said proudly, "I'm a stay at home Mommy and I don't think there's any nobler job!" I know exactly how you feel. Dylan is 3 1/2 now and if I'm gone from him for more than a few hours I get to missing him sooo much! I think we have a strong bond because he nursed until he was 2. He is definitely a Mama's boy. If you decide to be a stay at home Mama there is no more highly respected job in the world in my book. That's what my Mom always says she says she never regretted staying at home with her kids. If you go back to teaching that is good too. Just go with your heart- I am happy you have such a strong bond with your baby!!!
Love,
Aunt Donna

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